He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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