Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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