well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
