Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
