11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
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I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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