I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
