I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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