if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
