Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
