For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
