I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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