How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
