I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
