My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
