My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
