I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
