thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
