i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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