I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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