You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
