I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?