Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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