so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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