1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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