I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
