party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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