I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
