I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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