garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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