We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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