Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
