I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
