Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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