...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
