he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
