like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
