i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
