Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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