I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
