Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm just crazy horny about you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
