So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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