i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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