i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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