i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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