if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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