Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
