Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
