I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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