Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
