I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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