But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
