I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
