How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
