ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
