I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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