everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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