On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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