i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We got so high we made milksteak
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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