Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
