On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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