life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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