Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
