Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
