Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize