I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
