And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
