I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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